“You're a sleazy defense lawyer with two ex-wifes and an eight-year-old daughter and we all love you.”

“I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn.”

“You want to know what it feels like to be castrated? Try having your nine-year-old brother protect you from your ex-girlfriend after you've told her you're in love with a man.”

“You're nearly eight hundred years old and here you are, sitting on our sofa, and you're a vampire who needs our help. Of course.”

“I love you, Em. I've loved you since I was eight years old, and I'll love you my whole life.”

“Those of us who follow politics seriously rather than view it as a game show do not look at Hillary Clinton and simply think 'first woman president.' We think—for example—'first ex-co-president' or 'first wife of a disbarred lawyer and impeached former incumbent' or 'first person to use her daughter as photo-op protection during her husband's perjury rap.”