“As the archeology of our thought easily shows, man is an invention of recent date. And one perhaps nearing its end.”

“I'd woken up this morning and nearly crapped my pants with fear. Whoever invented Internet dating deserved to be strung up: it was a terrible idea.”

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”

“Any date that ended with two people drinking wine near a fire also ended with a woman’s thong being thrown across the room.”

“As a captain whose vessel is about to crash on the rocks empties its souls of doubt, so are the hesitant useful for throwing off of an enterprise nearing its end: blame must be cast in failure, profits divided easily in success.”

“The ultimate ends of the activities of reasonable beings are never economic. Money is one of the greatest instruments of freedom ever invented by man.”