“Can I change the world? Only my piece of it.”

“Obama's plan for "change": Let's do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn't suck badly enough the first time!”

“My therapist told me that I over-analyze everything. I explained to him that he only thinks this because of his unhappy relationship with his mother.”

“Freedom, democracy, and socialism can only ever exist together; it is impossible to have any one without the other two.”

“I think we can all agree that the official language of the United States should be Latin.”

“Why is it acceptable to do such horrible things in the name of staying alive? Would it not have been better had I died with my innocence intact?”

“The world would be a far better place if more people listened to the wisdom of Hawkeye Pierce.”