“Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the liquor weaker, the gods kinder, the dice hotter - it might have all ended up in a one-sentence story.”

“You will always pass failure on the way to success.”

“It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.”

“Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes - that's what I'm here for.”

“If I had known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself!”

“After I hit a home run I had a habit of running the bases with my head down. I figured the pitcher already felt bad enough without me showing him up rounding the bases.”

“Somebody once asked me if I ever went up to the plate trying to hit a home run. I said "sure, every time".”