“They really cut to the chase in the urologist’s examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.”

“I would rather be told an R-rated truth than a G-rated lie.”

“In his day, liking someone like David Bowie would have been the domain of degenerate officers in black and white movies about nazis.”

“I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was I sexually active? “Nope!” Had I ever been molested? “Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “Oprah says the only answers to that question are ‘Yes’ and ‘I don’t remember.’ ” I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.”

“If my life were still a movie, this is the part that would end up on the cutting room floor. We were all just fill-ins for a long-running soap opera. The actors changed, but the story seldom did. Certainly not the action.”

“Our room has two beds. If this had been a movie, [the hotel] would have been full so we would have had to share a bed. Why doesn't stuff like that happen in real life?”