“Okay, I know I said I wasn't going to shake things up, but we're going to have to get some pants on this one.”

“Lady, I was gonna cut you some slack, 'cause you're a major mythological figure...but now you've just gone nuts!”

“With a rasping cough, the vampire shakes its head. "It was you who called us. All of you, with your war. The roar of your cannons shook us from our quiet graves...”

“Don't mess with me, lady. I've been drinking with skeletons.”

“I never trusted the women i was involved with to tell the truth,because the truth never changes,but as i knew so well,people did.I knew it wasn't everyone,some women did have staying power,but it was impossible to tell which ones they were.Women should have come labelled-it would have made life so much simpler.”

“Behold! For now I wear the human pants!”

“I was made to believe that my life was going to be fixed and it wasn't. I'm still the same loser who had flown to Los Angeles on my sister's frequent flier miles just six days before.”