“I cut the ribbon in Paris, and everyone in Paris speaks French — maybe you knew that. But I'm from Tennessee, and Tennessee girls don't speak French. So suddenly I'm stuck onstage with Minnie and Mickey and everyone is yelling at me in French — I guess they're telling me to get off the stage, but I didn't know what they were saying at the time, so I start dancing with Minnie and Mickey like on the show and finally my aunt comes and gets me off.”

“I decided to write this piece because my internal critic told me to write it. At least I think he told me to write it. You see, he only speaks French, and I don't speak any French, so sometimes there can be a lot of confusion. In fact, all I really know about Pierre is that he loves wine, croissants, and women with hairy armpits.”

“Minny: "Eat my shit."Hilly: "Excuse me?"Minny: "I said eat...my...shit."Hilly: "Have you lost your mind?"Minny: "No ma'am, but you about to, cause you just did."*Minny eyes the pie*Hilly: "Did...What?"*Minny eyes pie again, Missus Walters gasping and laughing, Hilly eyes pie then gags and runs off*Missus Walters: "And you didn't just eat one, you ate TWO slices!"*Minny runs off*Missus Walters: "RUN, MINNY, RUUN!!"*She says this while laughing*”

“There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.”

“I met my wife through playing golf. She is French and couldn't speak English and I couldn't speak French, so there was little chance of us getting involved in any boring conversations - that's why we got married really quickly.”

“He thought that they were walking there like Mickey and Minnie Mouse and that they probably appeared ridiculous to the passers-by.”