“I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.”

“I'd rather be a 'could-be' if I cannot be an 'are' because a 'could-be' is a 'maybe' who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a 'has-been' than a 'might-have-been' by far; for a 'might-have-been' has never been, but a 'has' was once an 'are.”

“I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!”

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.”

“Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.”

“A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?" "No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!”