“If it weren't for my imagination, I would weigh ten thousand pounds. This is because the only way I am able to exercise anymore is through a long and vivid revenge fantasy.”

“Even in my revenge fantasy where all I do is exercise, I can still do only twenty-five pull-ups. Pull-ups are tough, no joke.”

“Sure, I didn't weigh a hundred and ten pounds, but my narrow waist let me bend and I could break a man's neck with my kick.”

“I want to weigh less, not through diet and exercise, but by acquiring a faulty scale.”

“I don't hit women. Ever. But Marissa makes me wish that, for about ten seconds, I weighed a hundred pounds less and had tits. Not only is her interruption untimely, now shes' going to screw up the rest of my night, too.”

“I run through the woods, at once applauding myself for my wit-""Well deserved, sir. Well deserved.""And at the self instant, I am grinding my teeth because I am a vain, revenging idiot and shall be run down because of it.”