“I’ve got a rather elegant purplish bruise on the second toe (which is longer than the first toe) of my left foot. I was standing in the shower. A bottle of shampoo fell from the towel rack and hit my toe. GODDAMN it HURT like a MOTHERFUCKING BITCH. I survived. If you would like a picture of my bruised toe, let me know. I sell specialty photographs via PayPal. Maybe a picture of my ass is more your style. I’ve got an ass, yes, and knees and elbows and hands and fingers and feet and toes and all the rest. The only thing I am missing is a uterus but I couldn’t photograph that for you even if I had one because I am not an x-ray technician. We all have fetishes to work through. My exact job title is Fetish Facilitator. Contact me.”

“I've got my toes in the water, ass in the sand. Not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand. Life is good today. Life is good today.-from "Toes”

“He lifted my foot and placed a kiss on the tip of my big toe. That toe had never been kissed in its life. I wondered if it was smart enough to know what had just happened. Would it lord it over the other toes now that it had been singled out and kissed by Frank Wells, or was it just a fucking toe and didn’t know what the hell was going on? Like me.”

“How many toes did I have when we left London, does anyone remember?" Jim asked, examining its feet. "I think one is missing.""Stop fussing about a missing toe. We have more important things to focus on, like finding Drake and saving him from whatever trouble he’s in," I answered, straightening my clothing and zipping up my heavy parka."Oh, man, I am missing one! I know I had four on this foot! What sort of place was that company you used, demon-haters or something?""Budget Teleporters is a perfectly good company. Didn’t you listen to their warning about keeping your arms and legs in the portal at all times?”

“Hello toes," I say. They're good toes. I like that they're long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. I wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, "And hello to you, Human Host!"Except they're toes. I'm talking to my toes. Maybe I'm not bored... maybe I'm lonely?”

“If toes had eyes,then I could seehow my feet know where to go,but toes are blind.And how is it that my tonguespeaks words it cannot hear?Because for all its eloquence,the tongue itself is deaf,and flaps in soundlessness.”