“I don’t know. I don’t know, Jess,” he said as a sob shuddered through him. “Because I am a damned fool. Fuck! Ihave everything I want right in front of me, I love you so damned much I can’t think straight, and then it’s like…I don’tknow, like I’m so afraid of losing you, that I keep pushing you away so maybe I’ll stop caring as much and then it won’t hurt as bad if I do lose you. It’s so fucking twisted even I don’t understand it.”

“I love you Perry,” he whispered, mouth moving in my hair. “I love you so fucking much. And I’m losing myself. I’m losing myself to you and I don’t care anymore because there’s never been a better feeling in the whole fucking world. I love you. So much. Too much. Always.”

“I’m serious,” I say. “I don’t want to lose him.”“Then maybe you should go away for a little bit. After all, absence makes the heart grow horny, right?”“That’s not exactly how the saying goes.”“But it should, because you know it’s true. If you go away for a couple of days, Ben won’t know what to do with himself.”“Maybe you’re right,” I say, tossing more candy corn into my mouth (therapy in a bag). “Damn straight, I am. Now, the biggest question: Can I fit into your suitcase? Because I really don’t feel like staying here by myself.”

“I know it’s going to be bad for you, Jacob. I understand that—maybe better than you think. I don’t like her, but… she’s your Sam. She’s everything you want and everything you can’t have.”

“Do you have any idea how much you mean to me Layla? Any at all? Because Isometimes think, if you did, you wouldn’t keep torturing me like this. I can’t keep watching you with him. The way you gaze into his eyes, the way hekisses you and when you tell him you love him, I hate you. I hate you for loving him. I hate you for choosing him. I hate you for wanting him so badly.But mostly, I hate myself for not being him! I can’t hide it anymore. I’ve tried so fucking hard that I swear I’m going crazy sometimes. It’s eating at me.I can’t sleep, can’t think; I can’t even function because I’m thinking about you so much. But I get it, I do, it’s him you want and from now on I’m handsoff. But I have to let you know how I feel before I go nuts.”

“He looked at me intently before speaking. “Why do you do that?”I frowned at him. “Do what?”“Push everyone away.” Danny told me simply.I was a little stunned and when I didn’t say anything, Danny continued on.“Darcie, what are you so afraid of? Why do you shut people out?” He looked at me searchingly.“Because it’s easier that way!” I yelled at him suddenly and he looked taken aback. I took a deep breath to calm down and added, “And I don’t like feeling vulnerable.” Danny stared at me. “Being vulnerable is nothing to be ashamed of Darcie …it’s what makes us human.”I shook my head furiously. “No! Being vulnerable makes you weak – just like every other emotion … if you allow yourself to care, you only end up getting hurt.”Danny threw me a consoling look. “But there’s nothing wrong with caring –”“No!” I interrupted angrily. “I don’t want to care! You only end up getting hurt … and it hurts so bad that you can’t breathe. I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to feel at all! It’s just easier to shut everyone out … if you don’t care about them – you won’t get hurt!”