“There are two social classes in Pakistan," Professor Superb said to his unsuspecting audience, gripping the podium with both hands as he spoke. "The first group, large and sweaty, contains those referred to as the masses. The second group is much smaller, but its members exercise vastly greater control over their immediate environment and are collectively termed the elite. The distinction between members of these two groups is made on the basis of control of an important resource:air-conditioning. You see, the elite have managed to re-create for themselves the living standards of say, Sweden without leaving the dusty plains of the subcontinent. They're a mixed lot - Punjabi and Pathans, Sindhis and Baluchis, smugglers , mullahs, soldiers, industrialists - united by their residence in an artificially cooled world. They wake up in air-conditioned houses, drive air-conditioned cars to air-conditioned offices, grab lunch in air-conditioned restaurants (rights of admission reserved), and at the end of the day go home to an air-conditioned lounges to relax in front of their wide-screen TVs. And if they should think about the rest of the people, the great uncooled, and become uneasy as they lie under their blankets in the middle of the summer, there is always prayer, five times a day, which they hope will gain them admittance to an air-conditioned heaven, or at the very least, a long, cool drink during a fiery day in hell.”
“Relief washed over me like that first air-conditioned breeze on a hot summer day.”
“Love should be unconditional, while hair should be conditioned. Air should also be conditioned, and worn in place of hairnets.”
“When people make a contract with the devil and give him an air-conditioned office to work in, he doesn't go back home easily.”
“It’s best to only exercise when the air conditioning is working properly outside. A strong wind ensures one doesn’t sweat very much.”
“But it was only hot outside, and generally I only walked outside between one air-conditioned place to another.”