“The girdle went from just under my breasts to the top of my knees. It cinched me in pretty tight. In fact, it was so tight that when I sat in it and farted, the farts would slide up my back, shoot out the top of the girdle, and make my hair fly off the back of my beck.”

“I don't feel so good." Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. "Excuse me." she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.”

“If Stalin or Hitler arrested me and tossed me into one of those camps, I would carve words with my fingernails. If they cut off my fingers, I would write with my teeth. If they pulled out my teeth, I would blink my words to any listening bird. If they cut off my eyelids, I would fart code into the troposphere. You'd have to kill me to stop me from writing. It's how I breathe.”

“My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.”

“I did not ask you out. But I would seriously think about not shooting you down if you asked me. Nicely." I had to keep my pride.He took both of my hands in his. "Brenna Blixen will you be my girlfriend, please." He held up one of my hands and kissed my knuckles smoothly. "Pretty please. With sugar on top.”

“What are you doing?" he breathed. "You're going around, stirring up everything.""I've got time on my hands," I shot back, just as breathless, "since I dumped my asshat boyfriend."He growled, fiercely passionate, his hand in my hair pulling so tightly it pained me."You can't make this up with a kiss or a f*ck, Gideon. Not this time."Gideon & Eva”