“Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone.""If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks.”

“I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood.”

“But Zeus did not tell Aphrodite that age was catching up on him. And that Gods, just as Mortal men, suffered from Erectile Dysfunction. And that the daily harvesting of his sperm sacs by Hera & Themis in order to provide three amphoras full of seed had not helped.And that thus, he, just as all those who suffered from Erectile Dysfunction, actually preferred catching oysters & eating them rather than deflowering the owners of the oysters. And thus, the Big Crunch that had been planned, now risked becoming the Big Bathos, the Big Let Down.”

“I knew I was in bad shape because, despite how my gut clenched with hunger, my fangs didn't lengthen. Erectile dysfunction. I had vampire ED, on top of everything else.”

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.”

“Take care! I don't care. Don't you worry about me! I am as happy now as I have ever been, and that is saying a great deal. But the time has come. I am being swept off my feet at last”