“Maybe it was just an over abundance of hormones, a response to a sexual starvation diet. I'd been without for so long that my body was craving the worst possible thing for me. Cooper was carnal triple chocolate cheesecake, deep-fried on a stick.”

“He's like that with everybody. Don't take it personally. Some people were just born with a pinecone shoved up their butts. In Cooper's case, it's lodged sideways.”

“Maybe the problem was that we never struggled. We just coasted along. The thing about coasting is that it usually means you're going downhill.”

“And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair. Without super hearing, I wouldn't have heard Zeb whisper, "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.""Maybe they'll get muddy," Dick said. "Please, Lord, let them get muddy.”

“Why couldn’t I have spent the last few months like this, wrapped in his arms, drinking in the warm, spicy scent of him? Oh, wait. Cooper was a complete dick to me, that’s why.”

“Look, over the years, my unique sense of humor and perverse grasp of honesty may have led to some hurt feelings and long-held grudges. But overall, I'm a pretty likable person.”

“Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out?”