“Some vampires wouldn't react if you shoved a rosary down their pants, though I wouldn't recommend testing the theory.”

“I offered you a choice, and you took it."I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber?”

“If I had a nickel for every time I heard the words 'I don't want to ruin our friendship ' I wouldn't be driving a car with an ominously flashing 'check engine' light.”

“If God didn't want us to eat the animals, He wouldn't have made them so tasty.”

“You told Zeb before you told us?" Mama shouted.Oh, crap. "How could you do that?" Mama cried. "We're your family!""He found out the night I rose, " I said. "But no one else knows. Except for some of the vampires I've met. And Andrea, a girl who hangs out with a lot of vampires. Oh, and Jolene, Zeb's fiance. ""Zeb's getting married? Before you?"Double crap.”

“He's like that with everybody. Don't take it personally. Some people were just born with a pinecone shoved up their butts. In Cooper's case, it's lodged sideways.”

“What can you do?" he asked.It took me a few seconds to catch up to Daddy's question. He was asking about my snazzy new vampire powers, not expressing helplessness about my being turned by a guy with "shoves trees on people" tendencies."Oh, um, a lot of stuff, except, you know, eat solid food and go outside during the day, " I said. "Even my pot pie?" Mama cried. Yes, because in this situation, pot pie was what we should be focusing on.”