“The brain may die, but my compulsion for useless trivia lives on.”

“Trivia monologue. You are so the man for me.”

“You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.”

“I am not the kind of girl who trusts a man to tell her everything she needs to know in his own due time, so I did some research on my sire. You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.”

“The fact that these kits [vampire protection] were generally useless didn’t bother me nearly as much as the idea of holy water being sold at Wal-Mart.”

“Don’t tell them he’s upstairs , I commanded my brain. Tell them he moved to Pacoima to start a commune for vegetarian vampires. Tell them he’s looking into getting a sex-change operation and renaming himself Lulu Pleshette.”

“She had a knack for relieving the tension in a room by pretending my rudeness away with cooking. Many, many chickens had given up their lives to cover my conversationalist shortcomings.”