“To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.”

“Not to be rude, but it was all pointless," I noted from across the room. Four eyes narrowed at me. "What? I said 'not to be rude'. That's like saying 'God bless them' right after you say bad things about someone. It means it doesn't count!”

“There's an inverse relationship between my temper and my ability to control my accent. If you hear me say 'Fiddledeedee', run for the hills, because I'm getting ready to take out bystanders.”

“Johnny Cash had all of the same talents and problems as Elvis - a poor upbringing in the rural South exposure to gospel music throughout his childhood a penchant for drug abuse...they had the same sort of influencing experiences but Johnny' Cash's problematic relationship was with his father not his mother. If he had had the mommy issues that Elvis had instead of a compelling need to prove himself to his father, he wouldn't have been the badass man in black, the guy in Folsom Prison watching the train roll by. Elvis was a lot of things but even with the karate and the gunplay he was more unstable than badass.”

“The catch was that we could never break up, because I had run out of friends who were willing to help us move.”

“She had a knack for relieving the tension in a room by pretending my rudeness away with cooking. Many, many chickens had given up their lives to cover my conversationalist shortcomings.”

“The ring is a copy of my mother’s. I took the stone from her engagement ring and had a jeweler place it in a titanium setting.”“Titanium?” I asked.“Dick knew a guy."“Of course he did.”“You’re a bit rough and tumble with jewelry, and I knew it would have to be able to stand up to…”“Nuclear winter?”His eyebrow lifted. “I never know with you.”