“Why couldn’t I have spent the last few months like this, wrapped in his arms, drinking in the warm, spicy scent of him? Oh, wait. Cooper was a complete dick to me, that’s why.”

“Wait, Richard Cheney, as in Dick Cheney? You're a vampire named Dick Cheney? Somehow, that makes you seem more evil.”

“I am your sire. I am to guide you through your first days as a vampire. Your first feeding is a rite of passage, a sacrament. It will not be wasted on some hormone-driven frenzy. This is why I wanted you to feed from me.”“I will not drink it in a house, I will not drink it with a mouse. I will not drink it here or there, I will not drink it anywhere,” I wheezed, hoping I was able to communicate adequate sarcasm through the crippling belly cramps.“Did you just quote Green Eggs and Ham?”

“I offered you a choice, and you took it."I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber?”

“Mama Ginger came calling, to set the alarm on my biological clock. Oh, and to remind me that there’s no point to me being a woman if I never have children.” “Well, if that’s true, I wasted a hell of a lot of money on panty hose and lipstick.” Jettie snorted.”

“If looks could kill...well, Dick was already dead, so nothing would happen. But Gabriel was not laughing."See Dick," Dick said, pointing at his chest. He then swept his hand dangerously close to mind. "Jane. Dick and Jane. Come on, you humorless jackass. That's funny.”

“Why is your fiancée insisting that I dress like Naomi from Mama’s Family?”