“Anyone gots some mangoes up in here?”

“The moment you make someone promise anything is the same moment you ask them to lie to you.”

“And I got out of there without punching anyone, kicking anyone, or breaking down in tears. Some days the small victories are all you achieve.”

“To say I had some pent-up anger would be like saying Britney Spears had minor impulse-control issues.”

“He's like that with everybody. Don't take it personally. Some people were just born with a pinecone shoved up their butts. In Cooper's case, it's lodged sideways.”

“Up until two years ago, I was one of the top-selling real estate agents in the tricounty area. I went to a convention in Boca Raton. I had one too many margaritas, met a tall, pale, and handsome man in the bar, and woke up a vampire.""I was mistaken for a deer and got shot," I offered.""Oh.”

“I offered you a choice, and you took it."I shot him what I hoped was a truly scathing glare. "Some choice. I was dying. Some drunk shot me from a pickup. Why wouldn't I have just woken up with gonorrhea like every other girl of loose moral fiber?”