“I took a course at Cal once called Statistical Analysis. And there was a guy in the course who used to make up all of his computations and he never used Sigma. He used his own initials. 'Cause he was the standard deviation.”

“If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.”

“Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.”

“Mort Sahl, while attending a preview of Otto Preminger's film Exodus, stood up and called out, "Otto, let my people go!”

“People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.”

“A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.”

“We all know that America is the worst country in the world, except for all the others.”