“People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.”

“If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.”

“Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.”

“I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.”

“I took a course at Cal once called Statistical Analysis. And there was a guy in the course who used to make up all of his computations and he never used Sigma. He used his own initials. 'Cause he was the standard deviation.”

“I found people looked better when they laughed”

“We claim we believe in compassion, which is an abstract, and when it's personified we discredit the man”