“Remember you must die.”

“It is difficult for people of advanced years to start remembering they must die. It is best to form the habit while young.”

“These years are still the years of my prime. It is important to recognise the years of one's prime, always remember that.”

“If you're going to do a thing, you should do it thoroughly. If you're going to be a Christian, you may as well be a Catholic. ”

“If you want to concentrate deeply on some problem, and especially some piece of writing or paper-work, you should acquire a cat. Alone with the cat in the room where you work ... the cat will invariably get up on your desk and settle placidly under the desk lamp ... The cat will settle down and be serene, with a serenity that passes all understanding. And the tranquility of the cat will gradually come to affect you, sitting there at your desk, so that all the excitable qualities that impede your concentration compose themselves and give your mind back the self-command it has lost. You need not watch the cat all the time. Its presence alone is enough. The effect of a cat on your concentration is remarkable, very mysterious.”

“Allow me, in conclusion, to congratulate you warmly upon your sexual intercourse, as well as your singing.”

“I never trust the airlines from those countries where the pilots believe in the afterlife. You are safer when they don't.”