“I believe that more people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.”

“It will certainly show what our ancestors would be thinking if they were alive today. People have often speculated about this. Would they approve of modern society, they ask, would they marvel at present-day achievements? And of course this misses a fundamental point. What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?”

“Most conservatives also believe in the death penalty, but not abortion, which proves they like to procrastinate.”

“I believe [...] that while all human life is sacred there’s nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.”

“I think that if Mozart were alive today and decided to become a novelist, he would write humorous fantasy.”

“I believe in compulsory cannibalism. If people were forced to eat what they killed, there would be no more wars.”