“I don't believe in love at first sight because it means you're falling in love with someone's looks, not personality.”

“It must be love,love,love!”

“Follow the dream, work hard, inspire and be inspired.”

“If you only get hypoglycemia around one person, the chances are actually much greater that you might be falling in love than that you have suddenly contracted a nasty sugar condition.”

“Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over. ”

“One show, I did a benefit for a feminist organziation....So it's all feminsts. Gloria Steinem is sitting right up front. I walked out and said, "Look here, I can't stay around here too long with you broads because I gotta get home and cook my man a nice hot dinner. Plus, he likes his blow job by nine forty-five." I though it was funny. They didn't. They didn't find anything funny. I thought, Oh Lord, I made these women mad. I stepped over the line. I continued. "Ladies, calm down. I'm just joking. He likes a blow job anytime.”

“I always say, waste not, want not, which is a terrible cliche the British invented during the war to get kids to eat their whole-wheat bread, but when I say it I mean, waste not money on boring old rent when it can be un-wasted on Chloe jeans.”