“Things to do today:1) Breathe in.2) Breathe out.”

“To be successful, you need to do two things:1. Condition your hair,2. Do the same with your mind.”

“Four questions about the glass and the water. Is it 1/2 full, 1/2 empty, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be and what did you do with the water.”

“REAL LIFE vs THE MOVIESBreaking Up in the Movies:Boy #1: This isn’t working out, is it?Boy #2: Sort of not, huh?Boy #1: You can’t say we didn’t try.Boy #2: We sure did. Besides, we’re still best friends.Boy #1: Forever.Boy #2: This is terrific pasta.Breaking Up for Real:Boy #1: Are you asleep?Boy #2: Does it sound like it?Boy #1: I’m sorry about the tuna fish.Boy #2: It isn’t the tuna fish! It’s the last six months!Boy #1: You’re an asshole.Boy #2: Let go of my cock.”

“For large values of 1, 1 approaches 2, for small values of 2.”

“The writer must be four people: 1) The nut, the obsede 2) The moron 3) The stylist 4) The critic. 1 supplies the material; 2 lets it come out; 3 is taste; 4 is intelligence.”