“Are you going to do it? Go on. You have to do it. I bet you won’t be any crapper than I was.”Fat Charlie shrugged, in a way that, he hoped, indicated that he contained within him depths of crap as yet unplumbed.”

“A voice from the creature, smooth as buttered oil. "He-llo," is said. "Ding-dong. You look remarkably like dinner."I'm Charlie Nancy," said Charlie Nancy. "Who are you?"I am Dragon," said the dragon. "And I shall devour you in one slow mouthful, little man in a hat."Charlie blinked. What would my father do? He wondered. What would Spider have done?...Er. You’re bored with talking to me now, and you’re going to let me pass unhindered,” he told the dragon, with as much conviction as he was able to muster.Gosh. Good try. But I’m afraid I’m not,” said the dragon, enthusiastically.Actually, I’m going to eat you.”You aren’t scared of limes, are you?” asked Charlie, before remembering that he’d given the lime to Daisy.The creature laughed, scornfully. “I,” it said, “am frightened of nothing.”Nothing?”Nothing,” it said.Charlie said “Are you extremely frightened of nothing?”Absolutely terrified of it,” admitted the Dragon.You know,” said Charlie, “Have nothing in my pockets. Would you like to see it?”No,” said the dragon, uncomfortably, “I most definitely would not.”There was a flapping of wings like sails, and Charlie was alone on the beach. “That,” he said, “was much too easy.”

“So, she said. You met your brother.You know, said Fat Charlie, you could have warned me.I did warn you that he is a god.You didn't mention that he was a complete and utter pain in the arse, though.”

“Fat Charlie blew his nose. "I never knew I had a brother," he said."I did," said Spider. "I always meant to look you up, but I got distracted. You know how it is.""Not really.""Things came up.""What kind of things?""Things. They came up. That's what things do. They come up. I can't be expected to keep track of them all.""Well, give me a f'rinstance."Spider drank more wine. "Okay. The last time I decided that you and I should meet, I, well, I spent days planning it. Wanted it to go perfectly. I had to choose my wardrobe. Then I had to decide what I'd say to you when we met. I knew that the meeting of two brothers, well, it's the subject of epics, isn't it? I decided that the only way to treat it with the appropriate gravity would be to do it in verse. But what kind of verse? Am I going to rap it? Declaim it? I mean, I'm not going to greet you with a limerick. So. It had to be something dark, something powerful, rhythmic, epic. And then I had it. The perfect line: Blood calls to blood like sirens in the night. It says so much. I knew I'd be able to get everything in there - people dying in alleys, sweat and nightmares, the power of free spirits uncrushable. Everything was going to be there. And then I had to come up with a second line, and the whole thing completely fell apart. The best I could come up with was Tum-tumpty-tumpty-tumpty got a fright."Fat Charlie blinked. "Who exactly is Tum-tumpty-tumpty-tumpty?""It's not anybody. It's just there to show you where the words ought to be. But I never really got any futher on it than that, and I couldn't turn up with just a first line, some tumpties and three words of an epic poem, could I? That would have been disrespecting you.""Well....""Exactly. So I went to Hawaii for the week instead. Like I said, something came up.”

“The ties of blood," said Spider, "are stronger than water."Water's not strong," objected Fat Charlie.”

“Rubbish!" screamed a fat, elderly woman, in Richard's ear, as he passed her malodorous stall. "Junk!" She continued. "Garbage! Trash! Offal! Debris! Come and get it! Nothing whole or undamaged! Crap, tripe, and useless piles of shit. You know you want it.”

“I'll be your puppy. What do you want me to do? Chew your slippers? Piss on the kitchen floor? Lick your nose? Sniff your crotch? I bet there's nothing a puppy can do that I can't do!”