“Still. Four words.And I didn’t realize it until a couple of days ago, when someone wrote in to my blog:Dear Neil,If you could choose a quote - either by you or another author - to be inscribed on the wall of a public library children’s area, what would it be?Thanks!LynnI pondered a bit. I’d said a lot about books and kids’ reading over the years, and other people had said things pithier and wiser than I ever could. And then it hit me, and this is what I wrote: I’m not sure I’d put a quote up, if it was me, and I had a library wall to deface. I think I’d just remind people of the power of stories, and why they exist in the first place. I’d put up the four words that anyone telling a story wants to hear. The ones that show that it’s working, and that pages will be turned: “… and then w”

“I wrote my name on the list 10 years ago, and under the date I wrote “In the future.” But how’d I know I’d show up, and not my clone posing as me?”

“I don’t know why you put up with me, and I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

“Ms.Mutou-I was told to write a last will, but…But even if I had possessions that were worth passing on, I have no family to give them to,So I wrote a letter to you, like always..I never could have imagined how shocked I’d been…When I first saw you at the prison.The truth is, I’d been looking for you.On that day that my brother died and I was left alone,Even you disappeared from the television screens…I looked for you…I looked and looked…But I couldn’t find you…I’d forgotten about it…So when I saw you here at the prison…I thought that perhaps…God truly did exist…Thanks to the Thursday that I spent with you,I knew for the first time how it felt to be happy.It was something I couldn’t obtain living by myself…It felt like I understood why people live their lives mingling with others…I won’t put a brave front…And tell you to forget about me, and live your life without letting your past hold you back…I want you to remember me.Just you-…That there was a little person like me…You told me once that even though there was someone you hated enough to want to kill, you were afraid to do it and stopped.I don’t think that you stopped because you were afraid, but rather that you were brave.If I had also done so…Perhaps I could have said to you the word that I could never say…Words…That I haven’t said once…Not since I was born…Probably…Ever since then…Ever since then…I’ve loved you…Live.Even if it’s only for a day…And please find a way…To be happier than anyone else…”

“I’m quoting my clone, because he quoted me thinking if I said it, he said it. He thought he was quoting himself when he quoted me. So in effect I’m quoting myself quoting myself, with my clone as a source of what I wrote.”

“I stomped down the hallway, twisted the latch on the front door, and yanked it open.‘Are you… “Ozzy Zig”?’ said Guy Fawkes, in a thick Brummie accent.‘Who wants to know?’ I said, folding my arms.‘Terry Butler,’ he said. ‘I saw your ad.’That was exactly what I’d hoped he was going to say. Truth was, I’d been waiting a long time for this moment. I’d dreamed about it. I’d fantasised about it. I’d had conversations with myself on the shitter about it. One day, I thought, people might write newspaper articles about my ad in the window of Ringway Music, saying it was the turning point in the life of John Michael Osbourne, ex-car horn tuner. ‘Tell me, Mr Osbourne,’ I’d be asked by Robin Day on the BBC, ‘when you were growing up in Aston, did you ever think that a simple advert in a music shop window would lead to you becoming the fifth member of the Beatles, and your sister Iris getting married to Paul McCartney?’And I’d answer, ‘Never in a million years, Robin, never in a million years.’It was a f**king awesome ad.”