“A great book is a thing of mystery and beauty; it has the power to move you.”

“Has anybody ever written a horror pop-up book? The center of the book pops up and opens the gate to the elder gods. Of course you'll want to shrink wrap these books because you want people to buy them before they get sucked into another dimension.”

“How many of you knew what the Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle was? An idea in the book years ago, and now who hasn't heard of a T.A.S.E.R.”

“If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?”

“It has been brought to my attention that I may be a verbivore. I consumptor of words, that I subsequently spew forth with considerable consternation.A Volley of verbs that are quite vexing has taken form, perhaps under the guise of consonants most foul!! Where have you wandered faithful vowels?”

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?? Who keeps track of those things?”

“Have you ever had a large spider in the tub, figuring you'll wash it down the drain you turn on the shower, and set it to hot?Only to have the stupid thing grab onto the edge of the drain and hiss at you!!”