“Headstones:What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!""This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide.""OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!”

“This is another one that perplexes me."Would you like your milk in a bag?""No, I think it's fine inside that plastic jug, but thanks for asking first!!”

“You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones.”

“They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and not welcome in my house this Christmas!!”

“Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!”

“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".I have often wondered if I was.”

“Wheneve someone asks me, "Did you find everything alright?" I wonder to myself, "Is this a trick question?"Maybe there is something that is not all right, and if I mention it first I get some exotic prizes!!”