“How many of you knew what the Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle was? An idea in the book years ago, and now who hasn't heard of a T.A.S.E.R.”

“One of the joys of being a grandparent is giving your grandchild caffeinated sugary drinks late in the day, and sending them home. Do you have any idea how many years I had to wait for that?”

“I'm not sure what they mean by mispent youth, I used mine to get a nice BLT a few years ago.”

“Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!”

“How many boxs of Fruit Loops do you need to smash to be considered a cereal killer?”

“They kept yelling at me to pay attention during school, since education hasn't panned out for me can I get a refund, or at least a rebate?”

“I always wonder how many potholes there are in the road less taken. I mean it's great to go where others don't, but is it maintained?”