“I consider whoever my words land on to be my target, that’s why I like flash fiction, it’s a lot like using a shotgun.”

“Some people like to push my buttons!!! I just wish they would give them back...”

“Bad answers for employment questions:Employer: I see here that you worked for the state for three years. Why did you leave that job? "My parole was granted”

“It has been brought to my attention that I may be a verbivore. I consumptor of words, that I subsequently spew forth with considerable consternation.A Volley of verbs that are quite vexing has taken form, perhaps under the guise of consonants most foul!! Where have you wandered faithful vowels?”

“I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!”

“I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.”

“I never completely understood the phrase, "I took my medicine religiously", unless of course it was a religion I was unfamiliar with!!”