“I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!”

“I think that last batch of sea monkeys ate my cat!!!”

“I remember a bully once telling me that he was going to beat the stuffing out of me. After numerous blows it was evident to both of us that I didn't have any!!”

“Somebody once told me that I need a reality check, I told them that I'll accept money from any source.”

“I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.”

“They say you don't know what you don't know until you know that you don't know it.”

“One of the joys of being a grandparent is giving your grandchild caffeinated sugary drinks late in the day, and sending them home. Do you have any idea how many years I had to wait for that?”