“I like to provide American humor for British soccer coaches when possible. During keeper practice I'll offer to stand behind the goal and shag a few balls!!”

“Is it possible to be ticket for going too fast during speed dating?”

“I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.”

“While walking with a British coach.Why do you chuckle every time we walk by the theater that is showing "Free Willy"?”

“Thought about being a stand up comedienne for zombies, but when they eat you alive, they really eat you!!”

“They kept yelling at me to pay attention during school, since education hasn't panned out for me can I get a refund, or at least a rebate?”

“Somebody once told me that I need a reality check, I told them that I'll accept money from any source.”