“I never completely understood the phrase, "I took my medicine religiously", unless of course it was a religion I was unfamiliar with!!”

“I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!”

“I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.”

“I consider whoever my words land on to be my target, that’s why I like flash fiction, it’s a lot like using a shotgun.”

“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".I have often wondered if I was.”

“I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!”

“I think that last batch of sea monkeys ate my cat!!!”