“I think what I need to do is stay awake while I'm sleeping so I can see what I'm dreaming better!!”

“I'm not sure what they mean by mispent youth, I used mine to get a nice BLT a few years ago.”

“Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL"I can't do that Dave.""Dave's not here, man""That does not compute. Dave""No man, Dave isn't here!!"..."I'm sorry Dave but that is incorrect""No man, Dave's not here!!""Daisy, daisy,.... I'm self terminating now Dave....""No man, dave's not.....Is he gone?”

“Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!”

“I flunked out of mime school. I could never hear what the instructor was saying!!!”

“If you sleep with one eye open are your dreams only half as good as everyone elses?”

“If I have multiple personalities will I taste better to a zombie, or is the effort simply wasted? I've talked it over with myself, and neither of us could agree if that is true or not!!!”