“If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?”

“In old days books were written by men of letters and read by the public. Nowadays books are written by the public and read by nobody.”

“It was not, of course, a proper thing to do. But then I have never pretended, nor will ever pretend, that Emily was a proper child. Books are not written about proper children. They would be so dull nobody would read them.”

“Nobody ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have while trying to write one.”

“I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, and I hope it's the first book you've ever read. Don't make a habit of it.”

“If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?”