“If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?”

“Has anybody ever written a horror pop-up book? The center of the book pops up and opens the gate to the elder gods. Of course you'll want to shrink wrap these books because you want people to buy them before they get sucked into another dimension.”

“A great book is a thing of mystery and beauty; it has the power to move you.”

“I have always pictured accupuncture like falling into a box of sewing needles, and then standing up refreshed and free of pain.”

“How many of you knew what the Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle was? An idea in the book years ago, and now who hasn't heard of a T.A.S.E.R.”

“Overheard vampire conversation. "Is that Ophelia?""yep""She doesn't look well""Ever since she drank from that hemophiliac everything just goes right through her.”

“Quickly look down, now you tell me, when you were little did you ever imagine that you'd be wearing those shoes? Mind blowing isn't it?”