“If you sleep with one eye open are your dreams only half as good as everyone elses?”

“I think what I need to do is stay awake while I'm sleeping so I can see what I'm dreaming better!!”

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?? Who keeps track of those things?”

“Pharmacy drive-up window:"Could I have your address?""Well, you could, but that would be one hell of a coincidence!!”

“This is another one that perplexes me."Would you like your milk in a bag?""No, I think it's fine inside that plastic jug, but thanks for asking first!!”

“One of the joys of being a grandparent is giving your grandchild caffeinated sugary drinks late in the day, and sending them home. Do you have any idea how many years I had to wait for that?”

“I try not to have personal problems, I do that by telling everyone about them!!!”