“I'm not sure what they mean by mispent youth, I used mine to get a nice BLT a few years ago.”

“Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!”

“How many of you knew what the Thomas A Swift Electric Rifle was? An idea in the book years ago, and now who hasn't heard of a T.A.S.E.R.”

“Sure, ask a question, fire away, but remember, just because we answer doesn't mean we care. We all have our own problems, and mine are down in the cellar kicking up a fuss right now, must not have made the knots tight enough!!!”

“I think what I need to do is stay awake while I'm sleeping so I can see what I'm dreaming better!!”

“You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones.”

“They started the meeting out by saying, "Everybody please take your seats"I was halfway back to my cubicle with mine before they stopped me...”