“Is it worth the effort to tell an idiot that they are profoundly stupid? Or is it just good fun to see the blank stare?”

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, unless it is the burning bush, in that case the value of your bird just went up!!”

“If I have multiple personalities will I taste better to a zombie, or is the effort simply wasted? I've talked it over with myself, and neither of us could agree if that is true or not!!!”

“Have you ever had a large spider in the tub, figuring you'll wash it down the drain you turn on the shower, and set it to hot?Only to have the stupid thing grab onto the edge of the drain and hiss at you!!”

“I try not to have personal problems, I do that by telling everyone about them!!!”

“If you sleep with one eye open are your dreams only half as good as everyone elses?”

“I remember a bully once telling me that he was going to beat the stuffing out of me. After numerous blows it was evident to both of us that I didn't have any!!”