“Overheard vampire conversation. "Is that Ophelia?""yep""She doesn't look well""Ever since she drank from that hemophiliac everything just goes right through her.”

“I admit I once threw caution to the wind....It doesn't fly well!!”

“Sure, ask a question, fire away, but remember, just because we answer doesn't mean we care. We all have our own problems, and mine are down in the cellar kicking up a fuss right now, must not have made the knots tight enough!!!”

“How about a TV show about vampire plastic surgeons called, "Suck and Tuck"?”

“Wheneve someone asks me, "Did you find everything alright?" I wonder to myself, "Is this a trick question?"Maybe there is something that is not all right, and if I mention it first I get some exotic prizes!!”

“Quickly look down, now you tell me, when you were little did you ever imagine that you'd be wearing those shoes? Mind blowing isn't it?”

“So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".”