“Remember never to text and drive, it's bad grammar, even if you have a deadline. You might cross the line and dead may be your destination. Think about it!!”

“You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones.”

“Pharmacy drive-up window:"Could I have your address?""Well, you could, but that would be one hell of a coincidence!!”

“They used to say, "A penny for your thoughts". I have heard that zombies will pay up to $5 a pound for your brains. Inflation even affects the dead!!!”

“Remember, never apply too much torque or you'll bust your nuts!!”

“They say that time is relative. I think the way it's treating me it's a distant one, maybe a bad uncle, and not welcome in my house this Christmas!!”

“This is another one that perplexes me."Would you like your milk in a bag?""No, I think it's fine inside that plastic jug, but thanks for asking first!!”