“Somebody once told me that I need a reality check, I told them that I'll accept money from any source.”

“Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn't trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, "That's true, I'm hiding from the barber!!”

“I remember a bully once telling me that he was going to beat the stuffing out of me. After numerous blows it was evident to both of us that I didn't have any!!”

“I tried to walk a mile in a man's shoes once. I ended up running most of the way!! Seems he wanted them back..”

“I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!”

“Headstones:What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!""This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide.""OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!”

“I admit I once threw caution to the wind....It doesn't fly well!!”