“Wheneve someone asks me, "Did you find everything alright?" I wonder to myself, "Is this a trick question?"Maybe there is something that is not all right, and if I mention it first I get some exotic prizes!!”

“You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones.”

“This is another one that perplexes me."Would you like your milk in a bag?""No, I think it's fine inside that plastic jug, but thanks for asking first!!”

“So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".”

“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".I have often wondered if I was.”

“I've always been afraid that someone would steal my identity some day and be more successful at being me than I am!!”

“Headstones:What I asked was, "Would you MARRY me?!!""This time I'll count to one hundred and you hide.""OK, It's not funny anymore let me out!!”