“Have you ever put finger, algea-filled lake-water, or shampoo in there? Yeah, that gets your eyes screaming in pain pretty quick, doesn't it? Unless you're using baby No More Tears shampoo, of course, in which case feel free to lather your eyeballs right on up, no worries.”

“The company wants to sell you more shampoo, your friend doesn't, so she gets more trust points.”

“I was in the shower the other day and I noticed on the back of the shampoo bottle it said, "Avoid contact with eyes. In case of eye contact, flush with water." and I thought, "Avoid eye contact? What do you think I do, talk to shampoo bottles? And even if I did converse with soap, am I not worthy to look at the bottle while I talk to it, that I have to purge myself with water after gazing upon it?”

“I don’t like it when you use my shampoo, because then your hair smells like me, not you.”

“I can always hear Harry screaming in the shower cause shampoo goes in his eyes, and Louis always goes in and helps him.”

“You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?”“Yeah. I sucked it out of the church. You know that bird-bath thing they got right up front?”“The baptismal font?”“That’s it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking.”“Brilliant,” I said to Lula.She tapped her head with her finger. “No grass growin’ here.”