“If a tree falls in the forest and kills your ex-wife, what do you do with the lumber?”

“Love is like a forest, I think as I kill trees by squandering toilet paper while “decorating” my ex girlfriend’s front yard.”

“Don't be bitter. Remember Lot's wife when they kill me, and they surely will. You have to use all of your energy to do what it is you have to do. [To his wife Betty Shabazz]”

“Lik the tree falling in the forest," says Ira."Huh?""You know, the old question - if a tree falls in a forest and no one's there to hear it, does it really make a sound?" Howie considers this. "Is it a pine forest, or oak?""What's the difference?""Oak is a much denser wood; it's more likely to be heard by someone on the freeway next to the forest where no one is.”

“Do you understand? Do you see the forest through the trees? Do you not see what I am no longer not saying to you? If so—congratulations! Prepare to have sex constantly.”

“Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing."Melvin Baylor - Seven Up”