“If a tree falls in the forest and kills your ex-wife, what do you do with the lumber?”

“They say that a few minutes each day of petting your dog can raise your serotonin levels.”

“On my way to the parking lot, in quick succession, I saw students wearing t-shirts which read, “Save the whales. Collect the whole set,” “Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now,” and “Half the people you know are below average.” Typical for the Eastern student body.”

“You know what happens when you dream of falling? Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”

“If you do not climb, you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?”

“Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”

“I'll be your puppy. What do you want me to do? Chew your slippers? Piss on the kitchen floor? Lick your nose? Sniff your crotch? I bet there's nothing a puppy can do that I can't do!”