“Detective Ramos confided in me, 'If something happens to you on my watch my ass is O-U-T.' 'How do you think I’d feel? D-E-A-D.”

“How you doing at 26 Fed?" “I’m growing and learning, meeting new challenges with confidence and enthusiasm while developing good work ethics and people skills.” “I’m surprised they haven’t fired your ass.” “Me too.”

“You get a promotion?""I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]""You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me.""We're a bit more subtle.”

“Sometimes shit happens even if you have a shit shield”

“I enjoy the presence of a woman in the house for brief periods of time. They fall into two categories: the organizers and the slobs. There’s probably a third category—the naggers, who try to get you to do things, but I’ve never run into one of those. Oddly, I have no preference regarding oganizers or slobs, as long as they don’t try to pick my clothes for me. Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees. It works fine if people stick to their fated roles. But nobody does.”

“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.”

“I want to be back to work next week.'Let’s get you home first. I need to evaluate the extent of your mental impairment.' She tried to flash me the peace sign, but in her weakend condition, she only managed to raise her middle finger.”