“It's really scary when you have a moment of temporary sanity.”

“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.”

“Sometimes shit happens even if you have a shit shield”

“Mrs. Corey still uses her maiden name for business, or when she wants to pretend she doesn’t know me.”

“Women need a reason to have sex; men need only a place.”

“I continued, “The painting shows this fish with a big eye and a halo, floating in air, and underneath the fish are all these Native Americans having sex.” “What? What does that have to do with Custer’s Last Stand?” “Well, the painting is titled, Holy Mackerel, Look at All Those Fucking Indians.”

“I enjoy the presence of a woman in the house for brief periods of time. They fall into two categories: the organizers and the slobs. There’s probably a third category—the naggers, who try to get you to do things, but I’ve never run into one of those. Oddly, I have no preference regarding oganizers or slobs, as long as they don’t try to pick my clothes for me. Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees. It works fine if people stick to their fated roles. But nobody does.”