“I had a fucking standing ovation going on in my goddamn pants, and it was demanding an encore.”

“I stumbled in a chlamydia support group and received a standing ovation.”

“Look at me, you chatty bitch, I'm a goddamn pinata! Fuck off and let me sleep before I puke up a kidney on your slutty leather pants!”

“Panting, he looked into a face he couldn't see. "What the fuck is your problem?""I'm bored." With that, she head-butted him right in the goddamn nose.”

“That fucking better not be you in the goddamn elevator, Adam. Maintenance just called and said some asshole stopped the elevator and guess what? They started out on my floor. Are you fucking the client in the goddamn elevator five minutes after I told you not to fuck the fucking client?”

“I had a weapon of my own and I wasn't afraid to fucking use it. And if I died? Who the fuck cared? I put the gun to my head and demanded to be let through. The fucktards shot me.”