“People think I'm a miserable sod but it's only because I get asked such bloody miserable questions.”

“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”

“I suppose that's what happens when you make other people's lives miserable: life gets miserable back at you.”

“Love? Sodding, bloody, tossing, bloody, sodding, bloody love? Irrelevant, superfluous, bloody, ruddy, rotten, sodding love? What ho? Wherefore? What the f*ck? Love?”

“I'm miserable but the thing is that I want to be miserable. It's kind of nice. Like a comfortable sweater that you put on around teh house but wouldn't be caught dead wearing in public.”

“Thank bloody Christ this is the right bloke. Wicked difficult getting the sod.”